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Quack Off
Quack Off
by
Free
Market Duck
King Tut Grants Cease Fire For December Holy Month
Intermission Allows Both Armies To Order Fast Food
After crashing two hijacked chariots into King Tut’s
Giant Pyramid at Giza last Thursday, Sun God Fundamentalists -- the Tally Ho
SPF-40 Sun Screeners -- asked King Tut to “cut them some slack” during next
month’s Rah Rah Zizz Boom Bah religious holidays so they could take a Fast
Food Break and order Chinese take-out.
King Tut, in his annual conciliatory hankering for barbecue spare ribs with
baked beans, ceded to the wishes of the SPF-40 Sun Screeners by waving his
wand, thus granting not only the Sun Screeners but also his own army, the
SPF-35 Sun Blockers, complete Fast Food Amnesty during the religious month
of December.
“However,” cautioned King Tut, “at exactly 12:01 AM on January 1, 2005 BC,
all Fast Food bets are off and the holy war for one square inch of
non-arable desert dirt plus 2,000 vertical miles of airspace directly above
the 1-inch religious real estate will crank up faster than a super-sized,
Have-It-My-Way-Or-Else, Double Whipper from King Burger -- my brother’s new
2050’s BC nostalgia Burger Shoppe over in the Euphrates Valley.”
“Thanks loads,” cheered the SPF-40 Sun Screeners who had already jumped the
slingshot and placed 10,000 Fast Food orders through Camel Express.
Rah Rah Zizz Boom Bah is
considered one of the holiest of holy months for all religious sects
worshipping the Sun God Ra. Although 2,237 out of 2,238 previous Middle
Eastern wars have continued straight through the Rah Rah Fast Food holy
holidays, official dispensation has always been granted by a Royal Hall Pass
from 12-year old King Tut or his nanny. A Doctor’s Note is also acceptable
if signed by at least 3 of the 4 Vice Principles for grades 9 - 12.
Typically, the annual
Fast Food Festivities usually begin when the bell rings and the Pharaoh’s
mother bonks her son on his forehead at midnight on November 30th
of each year. King Tut then waves his jewel-encrusted staff and everybody
quickly places their orders for Pepperoni Pizza with the court jester.
Anchovies on the side are optional but those who snort the salty little
stink-devils must dine next door in the -- thank Sun God Ra --
air-conditioned basement of Queen Nefertitti’s pyramid.
From 2050 BC to 2004 BC,
the favorite Zizz Boom Bah Fast Food order – rated # 1 for the last 17
consecutive floodings of the Nile – has been the 6-grams-of-fat Spam and
Olive sub sandwich, popularized by the 400-pound weight loss of Queen
Cleopatra on one of her weekend trips to the spas at Babylon Towers Resort
Hotel and Casino.
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