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by
Free
Market Duck
European Union Dumps
German, Officially Adopts English as Universal Language
(Jan 17, 2007)
Bonn, Germany –
The European
Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English rather than
German will be the official language of the European Union.
In the fiercely
debated negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling
had some minor room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phase-in
plan dubbed "Euro-English."
In the first year,
"s" will replace the soft "c." Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants
jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should
klear up mush konfusion, and keyboards kan now have one less letter. EU
offisials antisipate growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the
troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like
fotograf 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year,
publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage at
which more komplikated changes are possible.
Partisipating
governments will enkourage the removal of double letters, which have always
ben a deterent to akurate speling.
Also, al wil agre
that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and
should simply evaporat into nowher.
By the 4th yer,
peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with
"v".
During ze fifz yer,
ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz
yer, ve vil hav a realy sensibl riten languag.
Zer vil be no mor
trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze
drem of a united Urop vil finali kum tru.
Und efter ze fifz
yer, ve vil al be speking sehr gut German yust lik zey vunted in ze forst
plas. -- Stolen by Fre Market Duk
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