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Idaho Statesman's parent
McClatchy posts $1.4 billion loss in 3rd Qtr... Popkey and Richert must
give up laptops, share 1940's Royal manual typewriter
(Nov 9, 2007)
Boise, ID --
"These are non-cash accounting charges, and nothing about them changes our
operations or our ability to reduce debt," said McClatchy Company
Chairman and CEO Gary Pruitt in subprime mortgage accounting Newspeak.
In street talk, "We lost our butts last quarter, dude."
McClatchy, which owns 30
newspapers and the Idaho Statesman, was only off by $1,453,500,000 (billion)
in its 3rd quarter accounting projection with a $1.43 billion loss wiping
out its previously reported pie-in-the-sky profits of $23.5 million.
($23.5 Mil minus $1,453.5 Mil = negative $1.43 Bil). McClatchy's
entire corporate accounting department In Sacramento, CA was laid off last
week in between rumors that nobody in the accounting department, including
the CFO, passed 3rd Grade math or knew what a spread sheet was.
Company executives -- snickering through their teeth --
claim McClatchy's long-term future appears bright and
the $1.4 billion write-down won't cost the Suckatomato-based company a dime
in terms of cash going out the door. Whether that
proclamation is due to the fact that McClatchy no longer uses Brinks or
Wells Fargo armored trucks to move its negative cash flow to the bank or
whether they have lost all their dimes remains to be seen. CEO Pruitt
was last seen investing in Citigroup's Master Liquidity Enhancement Conduit,
a Super SIV subprime mortgage fund built on the foundation of hyper-inflated
Federal Reserve Notes balancing precariously on an ice cube in the middle of
the Sahara Desert.
The bottom line for
columnists Dan Popkey and Kevin Richert at the Idaho Statesman, however, is
that they must now give up their Pink and Blue 17" Dell laptops with WWAN
Verizon air cards and 2.2 Gig Hz RAM and share a 1940's black Royal
typewriter to upload their Web Site columns. -- FM Duck
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