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by Free Market Duck

Idaho’s Property Tax Solution
(Nov 26, 2007)

How do we get our political chameleon Governor Butch Otter -- who we have previously described as a Libertarian on Monday, GOP on Tuesday, Liberal on Wednesday, Socialist on Thursday, Fascist on Friday, Cowboy on Saturday, and Catholic on Sunday -- to buy off on a property tax/sales tax replacement proposal?

Boise, ID – Listen up, girl friends.  What should Idaho do about its most hated tax: the property tax?  For Gov Butch Otter, it all depends on the day of the week.

   If it’s Monday, Otter jumps into a Libertarian costume.  Thus, his property tax solution is:  dump the property tax altogether.  Not a bad idea, Gov, but we can improve on this so as not to bankrupt the state in one fell swoop.  Read on.

   If it’s Tuesday, Gov Butch dashes into the closet and changes into his Republican Blue Suit with Red Tie.  His solution now is to mimic California’s Prop 13, as he has proposed on many previous occasions.  Unfortunately, the problems with Prop 13 are manifold.  Property taxes are frozen until you buy or sell your house and, therefore, neighbors with the same assessed property values can pay hugely different property taxes.  That’s good for seniors on fixed incomes who don’t plan on moving and bad for families moving up from their starter homes.  It’s certainly not equal taxation and would probably not pass constitutional tests.

   If it’s Wednesday, Gov Otter changes wardrobes and morphs into a Liberal.  He then babbles Marxist and Keynesian Econometric crap about the needs of collectivist society outweighing individual rights and, thus, claims that we must retain Idaho’s property tax system as it currently exists.  No change here.  Gov Otter-the-Liberal will also put forth collectivist concepts such as taxpayers should pay farmers to not plant and, thus, save water, the state “needs” a medical school, “needs” a law school, “needs” a community college system, “needs” a detox center, “needs” purple shoestrings and ad infinitum.  The editors at the Idaho Statesman, who always wear left Liberal Court Jester Hats, jump up and down and wave their Welfare State pom-poms.

   If it’s Thursday, Gov Butch slips into his Socialist Seersucker Suit and proposes to nationalize all the businesses and residences in Idaho.  He then abolishes the property tax – as well as everybody’s paychecks – and replaces everything with government rationing.  Otter then proposes that the entire Idaho economy – city, county, and state -- is paid for by earmarks from Washington, DC.  Our federal legislators become very important SIVs – Structured Investment Vehicles.  The Federal Reserve is delighted to expand its deficit financing schemes all the way down to the local political level, thus avoiding the U.S. Constitution’s prohibition against states printing their own money.  The Brownies and Boy Scouts are issued subprime mortgage VISA cards for their McStarter Clubhouses.  Adjustable Rate Mortgages will readjust to 30-year fixed rates when the kids reach puberty – or poverty, whichever comes first.

   If it’s Friday, Gov Otter strips out of his Socialist Seersucker Suit and hip-hops right into a fashionable Fascist Fedora, de-nationalizing yesterday’s socialist nationalizations, and simply issues Big Brother Mussolini Rules while everybody pretends to own the state’s property.  Because private property is dissolved under fascism, property taxes are abolished, income becomes a State welfare check, and the free market is totally destroyed.  Prices are extrapolated from a 1957 Sears Mail Order Catalogue.

   If it’s Saturday, we get a break.  Gov Butch cracks open a Bud-Lite and morphs into a political cowboy.  He goes on a catered “ride” with 200 other rich Washington DC pretend cowboys and camps out in the woods in California.  Gourmet vittles and booze are flown in by helicopter while all the cowpokes sit around the campfire singing yippee-ki-yeaa and passing gas from eating New York City canned chili under the midnight stars.  Back home, the Idaho taxpayers still pay outrageous property taxes.

   If it’s Sunday, Gov Butch Otter’s solution to high property taxes is to pray to the Pope, whose own property taxes at the Vatican are, well, exempt.  Tuesday through Saturday it’s the collectivist state; Sunday it’s the collectivist church.  Both state and church are anti-individual and both assume as axiomatic primaries that the individual is simply a cog in their collectivist Borg.

   In short, there is no good or fair way to implement property taxes except to abolish them altogether.  An increased sales tax or consumption tax, as outlined above, is the fairest method of (1) replacing the property tax and (2) giving financial power back to the people.

   At the Idaho state level, how do we get our political chameleon Governor Butch Otter -- who we have previously described as a Libertarian on Monday, GOP on Tuesday, Liberal on Wednesday, Socialist on Thursday, Fascist on Friday, Cowboy on Saturday, and Catholic on Sunday -- to buy off on a property tax/sales tax replacement proposal?

   Easy.

   We suggest Gov Otter make his property tax decision on Monday, Libertarian Day.  Drop property taxes altogether.  Smart choice, Gov.

   Then, Gov Butch waits until Wednesday, the governor’s Liberal Dress-up Day, and replaces the property tax revenue lost on Monday with an increased sales tax on Wednesday.  Try an 8% sales tax on everything except food and meds.  Zip it, Libertarians.  We can lower it later.  One step at a time.

   Thursdays and Fridays are no-no decision days and the Gov should take a long Rocket Java coffee break.  Go sniff drainpipes at Karl Marx University in Dusseldorf.

   On Saturday, Gov Otter pulls on his tight Levis and rides off into the sunset at his Lonesome “Cotton Pony” Ranch.  Yippee-ki-yeaaa.

   On Sunday, Gov Otter jumps into his Pope Suit and feels guilty for being born in sin.  He apologizes for reading Ayn Rand’s Atlas Shrugged and any legislation he signed on Liberal Wednesday, Socialist Thursday or Fascist Friday.

   See how easy it was to dump Idaho’s onerous property tax and replace it with an increased sales tax?  You just have to know which day of the week our governor wears blue suede shoes. -- FM Duck

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