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by Free Market Duck

Iowa Primary: Karl Marx Whips Jesus Christ
(Jan 04, 2008)

The question In Iowa is not, “Who would Jesus vote for?”  The question is, “Who would vote for Jesus?”  Answer:  24%.  Even worse, 73%% of Iowans voted YES for Karl Marx.  The bad news, only 3% voted for the U.S. Constitution.

Des Moines, IA – Gather round, listen up, and shut up, girl friends.  Karl Marx beat Jesus Christ in the Iowa presidential primary yesterday by a margin of 4:1, philosophically speaking.  And only 3-4% voted for the U.S. Constitution.

   Here's how it stacks up, Margie.  350,000 Iowanians (often confused with Idahonians) jumped into their snowshoes, pulled on their Elmer Fudd snow caps, and plodded on down to their local town hall meetings to vote for President of the United States.  230,000 voted for the Democrat socialists who, ironically, all had the same first name:  Karl Marx.  What a fluke.  87,400 voted for Karl Marx Obama, 69,000 voted for Karl Marx Edwards, and 66,700 voted for Karl Marx Clinton.  Amazingly, all three Demo candidates ran on the very same platform:  tax, tax, tax, spend, spend, spend.

   120,000 Iowanians voted for the Republican Bible Bangers.  40,800 voted for Jesus Huckabee, 27,600 voted for Jesus Romney, 15,600 voted for burned out actor Fred Flintstone, 15,600 voted for “We can still win in Vietnam” John McCain, 12,000 voted for the ONLY rationally intelligent candidate Dr. Ron Paul, and 4,800 voted for New York City.

   The results:

DEMOCRATS         % of 230,000

Karl Marx Obama:   38%
Karl Marx Edwards: 30%
Karl Marx Clinton:    29%
Richardson:             02%
Joe Biden:               01%

REPUBLICANS       % of 120,000

Jesus Huckabee:     34%
Jesus Romney:        23%
Fred Thompson:      13%
John McCain:          13%
Dr. Ron Paul:          10%
Rudy 9/11 Giuliani:  04%

   Brief analysis:  223,100 Democrats voted for Karl Marx, 68,400 Republicans voted for Jesus, 31,200 Republicans voted for a cross between Karl Marx and Jesus Christ depending on the flavor of the week, and 12,000 Libertarians/Independents voted for the U.S. Constitution.  Add the Karl-Jesus voters to the Karl Marx camp because when the taxman comes to the door, you don’t give a rat’s ass whether you’re getting robbed by the collectivist state or the collectivist church, and we get:  254,300 voted for Karl Marx, 68,400 voted for Jesus Christ, and 12,000 voted for free market capitalism and the Bill of Rights.

   The upshot:  Karl Marx whipped Jesus Christ by almost 4:1 and only 3-4% of the Iowa population understands the principles upon which the United States was founded:  inherent individual rights and free market philosophy.  So much for Civics and Econ 101A in Iowa.  Next stop:  New Hampshire and the Ron Paul Phenomenon, or How to Open a Can of Whoop Ass and Kick Butt in the Granite State. – FM Duck

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