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of the Electric Light Bulb Manufacturers
Feb 1, 2009
DC – Concerning: All Electric Light Bulb Manufacturers, Tungsten Miners,
Flashlight Producers, Battery Manufacturers, Neon Lamp Companies, Municipal
Street Lamp Repairmen, Safety Match Makers, Cigarette Lighter Factories,
Sidewalk Candle Vendors, all commerce affiliated with the production of
light, the U.S. Department of Commerce, new President of The United States
Barack Obama, Vice President Joe Biden, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, Senate
Leader Harry Reid, and the very esteemed Members of the Congress of the
Pelosi & Harry Reid:
ponder your $819 Billion Stimulus package to save America with Made in the
USA only products, I wish to bring to your attention the “dumping” on our
domestic market of a relatively cheap foreign product -- not Made in the USA
-- which is adversely affecting the economy of our great free nation,
especially those industries whose concern is the production of light.
product is being transported across our borders right under our very noses
practically every single night of the year, anytime from 5 pm to 9 pm until
daybreak, depending on the season and the cloudiness of our skies. Our
domestic light bulb industry is simply being destroyed by the unfair
competition of this foreign product, which, I might add, is not only being
swiftly smuggled past our alert Government customs officials but whose
current market price is ZERO! Really now, how can our domestic light bulb
industry possibly compete against a foreign product that costs the consumer
foreign import from which we need your protection under the
Made in the USA only Section of your new
$819 Billion Stimulus package, dear Nancy & Harry, is none other than
I beg of
you, dear Nancy & Harry, to refrain from spilling your tears of laughter and
ridicule all over and wrinkling this, my serious proposal, long enough to
consider levying an import tariff against moonlight so as to make it more
competitive with our domestic production of light. Obviously, I am only
asking the Government to pursue its already established policy of
artificially raising the price of what used to be relatively inexpensive
foreign imports in order to force the consumer to spend more money for
domestic products and thereby enrich the economy.
I fail to
be convinced by any arguments that you, dear Nancy & Harry & Barack, might
put forth that my request to levy an import tariff on this “dumping” of
cheap foreign light differs to any measurable extent from the import tariffs
already levied on virtually thousands of other cheap foreign imports such as
French wines, Australian beef, Italian shoes, and Japanese automobiles, only
to mention a few. I ask you, how much more foreign can you get than the
Moon? And how much cheaper can you get than zero?
quickly dispense with the only argument that has ever been put forth by our
private central bankers, the Federal Reserve, against my proposal.
it goes something like this: the Feds say that the Government levies import
tariffs not only to enrich the domestic economy but also to prevent the
outflow to foreign nations of our Federal Reserve Notes – our Pulp Fiction
Dollars – that are used as a medium of economic exchange. They further
state that a huge Dollar outflow would seriously wreck our economy, with us
receiving other nation’s cookies while they receive our Pulp Fiction Federal
Reserve Notes. Then, the Feds draw the inevitable conclusion that our
Government needn’t levy any tariff on free moonlight since the Moon doesn’t
drain our Federal Reserve Notes. A brilliant observation but we who propose
a tariff on cheap foreign moonlight vigorously reply, “Oh baloney, you
Dinkleberries!” – merely a term of endearment, my friends – because for the
Government to levy import tariffs on the premise that it worries about an
outflow of our non-backed paper money is like worrying about who is getting
the best of a deal when you give inedible paper to foreigners in exchange
for receiving the fruits of their labors such as food, clothing,
automobiles, shoes, computers and other products and services.
to remind you, dear Nancy & Harry & Barack & Joe, that those foreign nations
who are holding our Pulp Fiction Dollars are the only ones who have to worry
since they must eventually turn this medium of economic exchange in to us
for our goods and services – even if roundabout through other nations – in
order to complete our mutually agreed upon exchange. Otherwise, we would be
the gainers, enjoying the products they traded to us, while they would be
the losers, holding only our paper money which is not very good to eat,
drink, wear, or consume in too many other ways, either.
leaves me – and you, too, dear Nancy & Harry & Barack & Joe – with only my
initially correct reasoning that import tariffs on cheap foreign products –
not Made in the USA – tend to greatly enrich a nation by forcing the
domestic consumers to pay higher prices for domestic goods and thereby boost
domestic industry. And so I ask again: from what cheaper and more foreign
product can the Government protect our economy than moonlight?
increasing the cost for every American consumer who attempts to see freely
by the light of the Moon, he will find that it would behoove him to use a
cheaper form of domestic light such as an American candle, a U.S.
flashlight, a Yankee Doodle Dandy domestic electric light bulb, a North
American safety match, or perhaps a BIC cigarette lighter. As the producers
of these and other forms of domestic light experience a large demand for
their products, they will tool up for more production and employ more
workers to handle the increase. Then, all affiliated industry and commerce
such as tungsten mining, glass molding, transportation, and prostitutes
using flashlights in the back seat of a Ford SUV will experience a boom as
the light-producing industries expand to meet the demand.
economy prospers, the Government can then justifiably implement Deficit
Farming, Guaranteed Annual Band-Aids, Federal Kite Flying, and Income Taxes
on individuals, corporations, and anything that walks, breathes, or burps.
And, the Feds can print up trillions of Pulp Fiction Dollars out of thin air
in order to provide the nation with more needed Government services such as
Federal Highways, Federal Post Offices, Federal Railroads, Federal Child
Care Centers, Federal Health Care, Federal Food Stamps, and Federal Buses to
equalize Federal Public Education by trucking our federal children all over
to discover socialist America. Eventually, unemployment will be wiped out
completely and, in short, our entire economy will be boosted by this clever
stimulus to domestic production.
it would be highly presumptuous of us to assume that Mother Nature and the
Moon have conspired to economically bankrupt our great free nation. That’s
why I suspect the Chinese have beat us to a landing on the Sun – which they
could have accomplished not in the extreme heat of the daytime but rather in
the cool hours of the night – and have had a hand in directing this free
influx of moonlight into our great free nation to bankrupt us. As you, dear
Nancy & Harry & Barack & Joe, are well aware of, moonlight originally
emanates from the Sun and can easily be bounced off such large objects as
the Moon and thus reflected to Earth.
dear Nancy & Harry & Barack & Joe, would, in addition to levying a tariff on
moonlight, install a network of huge mirrors – creating even more jobs and,
therefore, lowering the unemployment in our great free nation – to reflect
this competitive light back off the Moon and right back into the faces of
those tricky foreigners on the sun who are attempting to force us into
economic ruin, we might possibly catch them with their sunglasses off or, at
least, no sun tan lotion and make things quite hot for them up there.
you, dear Nancy & Harry & Barack & Joe, would agree with me, in view of all
the protective Government tariffs currently in force, that those
fantastically ridiculous advocates of free trade, the pesky Free Market
Capitalists, have no humanitarian concern whatsoever for our wonderfully
patriotic Electric Light Bulb Manufacturers – and our Zippo cigarette
lighter workers, not to mention the Safety Match laborers of America --
when they, the Free Market Capitalists, make loud noises about how the
consumers would have more money left over to spend in the economy and would
have thereby freely boosted all production and provided employment, both
domestic and foreign, if they were not forced to purchase artificially more
expensive domestic products by the Government’s protective tariffs.
Let us all
laugh together, dear Nancy & Harry, ha-ha at the following simplistic
analysis by those silly Free Market Capitalists. They claim that:
The international division of labor in accordance with the natural
distribution of resources on the globe is the cheapest, most efficient
method of economic organization.
The tariff increase in spending for domestic light nearly equals –
minus the tariff bureaucracy and costs of capital dislocation – the decrease
in the amount of money left in the pockets of the consumers had there been
no tariff, which money, without a tariff, they would then have spent on
other goods in the economy.
Therefore, the increase in production and employment in the
Government-protected domestic light industry exactly equals, for all means
and purposes, the decrease in the production and employment in those other
industries which would have received the money now going to the light
The total cost to the consumer for all economic goods has been made
more expensive by the Government’s tariffs on foreign imports.
The domestic light industry is granted a virtually monopoly by the
Now, since supply is restricted, monopoly prices can be charged by
the monopolized light industry, not only with complete impunity but with the
actual sanction of the Government.
are mountains and oceans intended to be, dear Nancy & Harry & Barack & Joe,
if not natural boundary lines designed by Mother Nature to coincide with
your economic trade barriers? Obviously, the consumers in our great land of
freedom would go broke if the benevolent Government allowed them to receive
free – or at least much cheaper than the domestic cost – automobiles, TVs,
food, machinery, furniture, shoes, computers and ad infinitum from foreign –
not Made in the USA – lands. Witness, for example, dear Nancy & Harry, how
little children who receive free gifts at Christmas end up impoverished
while that foreigner from the North Pole who provided them with the free
goodies, Santa Claus, grows filthy rich! I suspect that in the not too
distant future the Government will have to levy an import tariff on Santa
Claus’ huge “dumping” of free gifts from the foreign North Pole, too.
I would point to France, which as far back as 1820, implemented Monsieur
Bastiat’s Petition of the Candle Makers to protect their economy from the
huge flood of free sunlight that was unfairly competing against their candle
makers and thereby destroying all affiliated commerce and industry. You
would immediately see, dear Nancy & Harry & Barack & Joe, that my proposal
to tax moonlight – a logical extension of the Government’s contemporary
policy of levying tariffs on cheap foreign imports in order to boost, by
protection, our domestic economy – would create the same effect on our
economy as Monsieur Bastiat’s proposal against sunlight had on France’s
economy in the 1800s: three lovely revolutions. And so I ask that you,
dear Nancy & Harry & Barack & Joe, not only enact my proposal to protect our
domestic economy from free moonlight during the night, but also Monsieur
Bastiat’s proposal to protect the economy from free sunlight in the daytime.
could you and the very esteemed members of the Congress of the United
States, offer America’s consumers than 24-hour protection from the cheap foreign
importation of light not Made in the USA?
Free Market Duck
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