| |
Back to Quack Off
Quack Off
by
Free Market
Duck
New
Government Health Care Plan Struggling To Find “Single Payer” Name
Oct 27, 2009
Washington,
DC – The recent passage of President Barack Obama’s $10 Trillion
nationalized government health care plan was put on hold Friday evening as
Congress struggled to find an available “Single
Payer” terminology for its name.
“Already
rejected as previously trademarked or politically incorrect are ObamaCare,
HillaryCare, RomneyCare, TennCare, WhoCares, I Certainly Don’t Care, NoCare,
Who Gives a Rat's Ass, Single Payer, Double Payer, 300 Million Taxpayers, Govt Co-ops R Us, State’s Option, State’s Choice, UR Choice But Not Really,
Federal Choice, No Choice, Federal Free Market Socialist No Cost Pinko
Capitalist Commie Ration Plan, Death Panel Cardio, Death Panel Cancer, Death
Panel Diabetes, Death Panel Tonsils, Death Panel Left Elbow, Dead Man
Walking/But Not For Long, Medi-Gap, Medi-Gasp, Medi-Grasp, Medi-Crap, Medi-Crud,
Medi-Dead, Pull Grandma’s Plug, Pull The Taxpayer’s Leg, Doc ‘N a Box, Stop
‘N Gasp, Stop ‘N Grasp, and Ding-Dong Time’s Up,” said U.S. House Speaker
Nancy Pelosi, who noted that she has even exhausted such British variants as
‘Take a Number, You Dolt’ and ‘Bloody Hell No, Not In Your Lifetime, Crumpet
Buns.’
“An
Official Long Term Hospital Parking and Refueling Facilities name for all
patients forced to take a number and wait two weeks or longer for ObamaCare
-- or whatever name is eventually chosen to describe America’s new National
Health Care Program -- is also up for grabs with the following suggestions
by Congress topping the list: Stop ‘N Fuel, Pump ‘N Pay, Gas ‘N Save, Pay
‘N Go, Park ‘N Pump, Fuel ‘N Drive, Stop ‘N Gas, Get ‘N Go, Fuel ‘N Pay, Buy
‘N Leave, Fill ‘N Flee, Tank ‘N Peel, and Pay ‘N Drop Dead,” said President
Obama’s Health and Human Resources Czar, Comrade Natasha Sebellius.
Canadian
Health Care proponents in Parliament to the North have offered to sponsor an
International ObamaCare Re-Naming Contest with top prizes of (1) Free Cut to
the Front of the Line for a Lifetime of Emergencies Services as Grand Prize,
(2) Five Slash ‘N Burn Surgery and Radiation Coupons good for Mon-Fri, 8 am
to 5 pm, as 2nd prize, and (3) a No Wait Tonsillectomy or
Outpatient Liver Transplant as 3rd prize.
“We’re
trying to find a yet-unused combination of English words or an acronym that
conveys some definition of health care, low price, socialist rationing, and
death,” said U.S. Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid. “My personal favorite
slogan that best describes our new single payer health care system is, 'Holy
Shit, We’re Bankrupt ‘N Dead Now, Suckers.'” – FM Duck (national health care
correspondent, satirizing The Onion, yes it’s quite possible)
back to top... |
|