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by Free Market Duck

California Grinds to a Halt as Public and Private Unions Strike Against the State’s Plans to Cut Spending and Raise Taxes
(Mar 12, 2010)

Gov Schwarzenliberal screamed at the state legislators last Wednesday, “Achtung, Du Dumbkoffs, ve got to shrink da huge deficit and get Caleeforneea’s non-existent economy back on, you know, da railroad tracks.”

Suckatomato, CA -- Flights are grounded, ships are docked, public transport is paralyzed and schools remain shut.  Normal life in California has ground to a halt as public and private sector workers go on their thirtieth state strike in two weeks.

   Hundreds of riot police were deployed across Los Angeles on Thursday as California’s two largest labor unions called on millions of workers to strike against unpopular and painful austerity measures proposed by the government to resolve the state’s acute debt crisis, now sitting at 50 billion big ones ($50 Billion).

   California’s private sector union SEIU and its public sector sister the AFL-CIO-UAW-CEA-Boy Scouts-and-Brownies-of-America -- which represent half of the state’s labor force, including the massive public teachers’ union (CEA) -- have rejected the state’s huge spending cuts and tax hikes announced last month by Terminator Movie Star, Gov. Arnold Schwarzenliberal, who once bumped into a bad girl with three boobs in a science fiction movie and had to shoot her in order to escape from the Red Planet.

   California State Treasurer, Blackbeard the Pirate, is struggling to come to grips with the state’s spiraling budget deficit, which amounted to 97% of state output last year, and a state debt of nearly 50 billion pulp fiction dollars supposedly backed by virtual, nonexistent future tax revenue, which the state legislators say can be produced by all the unemployed workers in the state who aren’t producing squat.  Or, mathematically speaking: zero times zero still equals zero.

   Washington, DC policymakers, rating agencies and financial markets have welcomed the latest austerity package, but want to see it implemented quickly and smoothly. For that to take place, public support is crucial.  But public support is nonexistent in the Golden State and none of the other 49 states -- such as Idaho in particular -- are eager to bail out California’s drunken sailor spree that has dominated the state legislature over the last 50 years.

Paralyzed

   Public anger at the austerity measures is mounting. “People say they cannot tolerate these belt-tightening measures, which will affect every member of California’s bankrupt society,” said ABC, NBC, CBS, CNN, NPR, MSNBC, the New York Times, Cal-Berkeley's Student Union Gazette, and Saturday Night Live.  “We’re used to spending like drunken sailors on shore leave and don’t know how to stop redistributing the wealth so everybody has an equal share of zero,” added Zelda Smith of San Francisco, sipping her Starbucks Double Shot Decaf Latte Lite in San Francisco’s Castro District after cashing her Food Stamps, Cash for Clunkers check, and $8,000 federal tax rebate from the purchase of her new $1.3 million first-time home on the beach at Venice, California, financed by mortgage giant Fannie Mae, who is $5 trillion in debt but has unlimited spending from the U.S. Treasury and Federal Reserve, a tricky Executive Order passed at midnight last Dec 31st while everybody was asleep.

   Public transport was paralyzed in San Francisco, Los Angeles, San Diego, Sea World, Disneyland, and Lodi on Thursday, with no buses, taxis, BART trains, or rickshaws running in China Town. Only one pig pirate capitalist minivan was operational in Suckatomato, the state’s capital, but that was short-lived.  The private enterprise owner of John’s Taxi’s was stoned to death by SEIU workers last Friday morning for crossing SEIU picket lines and looking at SEIU workers cross-eyed over the tops of his bifocals.  Funeral services will not be held on Saturday for John since SEIU mortuary workers are also on strike.

   Hospitals are manned by a skeleton staff – staff wearing skeleton Halloween suits that glow in the dark -- and will only admit emergency cases if the ER admittees are wearing Frankenstein masks or Obama T-shirts, both frightening experiences in and of themselves.  Schools, hospitals, museums, the La Brea tar pits just off the Santa Monica Freeway, and archaeological sites are also closed for the 24-hour strike.

   Tacos-R-Us in Anaheim will be open for lunch between 11 am and 1 pm only to official card carrying La Raza workers next Tuesday.  Honk if you like beef enchiladas with rice and free holies.

   Tax and garbage collectors have been on strike since the start of the month.  Phew!

   Even journalists are on strike, with nobody left to… -- FM Duck

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