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Darth Vader Arrested for
Bringing "Fiscal Cliff" to Earth
(Dec 28, 2012)
"Jeezo peezo, we had no
idea this was going on right under our asses under the basement," said Fed
Reserve Chief Ben Bernanke, "nor where all the hyper-inflated money was
coming from to destroy our economy."
New York, NY
-- Arrested last night for bringing the mysterious
"Fiscal Cliff" to planet Earth from Mars, a Mr. Darth Vader and his 200
storm troopers clad in white plastic suits were caught in the act of
printing up trillions of US dollars underneath the basement of the New York
Federal Reserve in Manhattan.
"Whew!" exclaimed President Obama and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid.
"We knew that it wasn't our fault that the Fiscal Cliff was driving our
economy over the cliff. It had to be somebody else and now we know It
was those invaders from Mars, Darth Vader, and his cohorts."
Speaking under terms of anonymity, recently-fired source
Suzy Dinkleberry who previously worked in the US Treasury Department
confided, "We still are not sure whether the culprits who brought the Fiscal
Cliff to our planet were Mr. Darth Vader and his storm troopers. A key
question," Ms. Dinkleberry added, "is how in hell were they able to dig
underneath the basement of the Federal Reserve in the middle of New York
City to accomplish this nefarious act of counterfeiting?"
"We told you over and over that it was not former
President George Bush's fault," replied GOP House Speaker John Boehner, "but
noooo, the Obama Administration wouldn't believe us."
Invoking the Fifth Amendment so as not to provide
evidence against himself, Mr. Darth Vader kept his mouth shut and
quickly waved his hand, thus invoking what he called "The Force" to
evaporate all the printing presses, plates, ink, tables, chairs and $50
trillion in non-sequential bills as Treasury agents dashed into Mr. Vader's
lavish counterfeiting enclave under the Federal Reserve building in New York
"Jeezo peezo, we had no idea this was going on right
under our asses under the basement," said Fed Reserve Chief Ben Bernanke,
"nor where all the hyper-inflated money was coming from to destroy our
"Oh heavens no," added House Minority Leader Nancy
Pelosi. "We had no clue where all the money was coming from to fund
our $17 trillion deficit."
"No," said all 535 members of the US Congress, "we did
not know the source of all the trillions and trillions of Federal Reserve
Notes being flooded into our legislative bills to drive our current deficit
to $17 trillion. Nor were we aware of where all this counterfeit money
was coming from for the Social Security and Medicare funds which now total
hundreds of trillions of dollars of unfunded debt."
"Yes, what a shock," exclaimed Treasury Secretary Timothy
Geithner, wearing a new propeller beanie and snapping his suspenders.
"Darth Vader must be held responsible for bringing this 'Fiscal Cliff' virus
to planet Earth."
Unfortunately for Treasury agents, and the Obama
Administration, Darth Vader and his entire squad of 200 storm troopers
escaped while en route to Guantanamo Prison after Mr. Vader waved his
black-gloved fist and said, "These are not the droids you're looking for" --
after which Vader and his storm troopers suddenly disappeared into thin air.
Poof. – FM Duck
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