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by Free Market Duck

"Zero Dark Thirty," Real or Fake Extraction of Osama bin Laden?

(Jan 13, 2013)

This is where the movie, the book, and what we were told happened appears to start departing from reality.  By "reality" I mean, what should have happened if the US really was going to capture UBL from his compound in Pakistan?

Think about it.  The US pays Pakistan several hundred billion dollars as an "ally,"  -- ho, ho, an "ally" -- and yet we somehow don't even have the juice or cajones to tell the Pakistani government that we would like to search a suspected compound where the mastermind of 9/11 might be holed up.  What?  Pakistan is going to say, "No?"

Washington, DC / Hollywood, CA -- The movie, Zero Dark Thirty, debuted yesterday and I dashed down to the Regal Cinema 22 to see it.  Did not read the book, which is out in hard back under a different title than Zero Dark Thirty.  Forgot the book title but you can't miss it at the book store or at Amazon on line.

The book was written by one of the Navy SEALs who participated in the extraction -- more like the straightforward shooting, the execution -- of Osama bin Laden at his hideout in Pakistan in some city called gobbledegook-bad.  All cities in Pakistan end in three letters: "bad."

There was something very unnerving about this whole episode of knocking off UBL -- Usama bin Laden --  that occurred in 2011.  It just doesn't pass the smell test.  Let's look at the basic facts.

The US government claims they didn't know where UBL was hiding out for 10 years.  Was it in a cave in Afghanistan?  A hut in whoopteedoobad?  The Marriott at Disneyland?  Then, some CIA babe deduces -- after a lot of water-boarding and other big time American torture -- that UBL was living in a compound less than a mile from Pakistan's equivalent -- ha ha, equivalent -- of America's West Point Military Academy in gobbledegook-bad.

This is where the movie, the book, and what we were told happened appears to start departing from reality.  By "reality" I mean, what should have happened if the US really was going to capture UBL from his compound in Pakistan?

Think about it.  The US pays Pakistan several hundred billion dollars as an "ally,"  -- ho, ho, an "ally" -- and yet we somehow don't even have the juice or cajones to tell the Pakistani government that we would like to search a suspected compound where the mastermind of 9/11 might be holed up.  What?  Pakistan is going to say, "No?"

All the Pakistanis have to do in broad daylight is to invite the occupants of the suspicious compound outside for a cup of tea while both Pakistan -- our "ally," ho ho -- and the US military quickly search the suspected UBL compound to determine whether bin Laden lives there or not.  It's really simple.  And, hesto presto, if UBL is found hiding in the laundry basket or microwave oven, or under the lawn mower in the compound, then the US military and Pakistan arrests the dude and that's that.  If not, offer apologies to the head of household, dole out another billion dollars to Pakistan, and offer a free round of Bud Lites, courtesy of Barack Obama.

Is that what happened?  Nooooo.  Instead, the US CIA and Barack Obama concoct the most ridiculous scheme imaginable to extract -- make that knock off or supposedly knock off -- UBL from the suspected compound, without telling Pakistan.

So the US dashes off to Area 51 in Nevada, conscripts a couple of super duper ultra sneaky Black Hawk choppers, grabs off 2 crews of 12 Navy SEALs, which equals a total of 24 crew members for the mission -- Navy SEALs because the Navy works in the desert, not the sea, lakes, rivers, or oceans, go figure -- and the CIA babe running the whole show devises a clever ZERO DARK THIRTY maneuver (that's 12:30 midnight for you civilians out there) to sneak into UBL's alleged compound and, well, extract him, or shoot him, or slap him around a little, or do something nobody knows what.  It's top secret, or sloppy, or both, or nothing but a Hollywood Wag The Dog story so Obama can get re-elected.  Who knows?

Soooo, our brave military -- and they really are good and brave -- are misused once again on a daring but absolutely absurd raid on the suspected UBL compound.

Now comes the fun part.

One chopper crashes in the compound, but the troopers get out alive while the other chopper puts down and its crew dashes off into the building with the other 12 Navy SEALs.  Bang, bang, boom, boom, shoot, shoot, kill, kill and it's all over in a matter of 30 minutes or so with Osama bin Laden getting shot deader 'n a door nail, loaded up into a body bag, and the Navy SEALs dragging bags full of floppy disks, CDs, DVDs, and hard drives they grabbed from the compound into a chopper.

Just in time, too, as the Pakistani Air Force -- what a joke -- is on its way to find out what's-a-hippity-hoppening near the city of gobbledegook-bad with all the explosions, boom-booms and bang-bangs lighting up the zero dark thirty night sky.

Nearby residents are coming out of their white stucco homes with machetes and AK-47s and vicious looking spoons.  The Navy SEALs haul ass outta there.

Arriving at the US military base from where they launched their daring but ridiculous escapade to capture UBL dead or alive, but mainly deader 'n a door nail, the Navy SEALs whoop and cheer and the CIA babe unzips the body bag to say, "Yup, that's Osama bin Laden, alright."  Then she pukes.

Then, the US military and our Commander-in-Chief, President Obama, ordered the body of UBL to be whisked away to some US aircraft carrier from which they cleverly dumped bin Laden into the ocean.  Plop!

How clever was that?  Why didn't the US military capture UBL alive?  Why didn't they bring him back to the US as proof that he was captured, dead or alive?  Did we get his DNA?  Why not pump the dude for all the Al Qaeda info we could get from him?

Questions remain:  was it really bin Laden or was the whole thing some staged piece of crap by President Obama so he could claim, Oooh lookie lookie what I just done.  Yahoo, I captured Osama bin Laden but don't got to prove it to nobody nohow, so ha ha re-elect me.  Was UBL already dead a long time ago and this was just a staged snatcheroo?  Who knows?

The body was conveniently dumped into the ocean on the premise that the US should respect the Muslim burial rites of Osama bin Laden who masterminded the killing of 3,000 Americans in the NY Twin Towers on 9/11.  Uh huh, you bet.  Respecting his burial rights.  Anybody want to buy the Brooklyn Bridge?

And that's just about where ZERO DARK THIRTY stands now.  No proof of UBL's death or extraction, all Hollywood, and nobody will ever know the real truth, not even the Navy SEALs who "supposedly" extracted UBL from a not so secret compound in gobbledegook-bad, Pakistan, where nobody in the US government or Pakistan had a clue where he was hiding for the last umpteen years -- although the US government can tell you how many hairs are on your ass last Tuesday night at ZERO DARK THIRTY in the fog in Hoboken, New Jersey. – FM Duck

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