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Idaho's Weekly Journal of Local & National Commentary Week 2815

 

 

 

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by Free Market Duck

 

"James Bond's dirty little spy secret: He's an alcoholic," says Dr. No research team from Nottingham University Hospitals in England

by Dennis Thompson, Health Day News Reporter

Annotated by FM Duck

Dec 14, 2013

What is the purpose of a research team at Nottingham University Hospitals in trying to "expose" that the bigger-than-life character of the James Bond spy novels was an incompetent secret agent because, they claim, nobody could really knock off Goldfinger or seduce Pussy Galore if they drank that much alcohol?  Really?  I suppose their next research task is to prove that Superman can't really fly, or leap tall buildings in a single bound, or run faster than a locomotive. -- FM Duck

Apparently the Nottingham research team has forgotten what the function of a novel or movie really is: to provide a means for individuals to experience their moral philosophy through identification with a bigger-than-life hero who is knocking off the "bad" -- solving problems -- to bring about "good."  Or, do the researchers have another objective in mind, such as destroying people's experience of identifying with a bigger-than-life hero in order to drag them back down to their dreary little lives in state collectivist Britain and America? -- FM Duck

In short, socialist states hate individualists such as James Bond because they are seen as threats to the collectivist ideology of the state.  It is not the supposed over-consumption of alcohol that the British socialist researchers dislike about James Bond; it is his individualistic attitude that is the basis for their concern because individualism is the basis for free market capitalism.  The last thing the socialist state wants is for its citizens to be hero-worshipping an individualist.  Hence, especially in a novel or movie that gets distributed to hundreds of millions of readers and movie-goers, the state propagandists want to prove that James Bond is just a drunken, impotent, bum.  The researchers' real objective:  Worship the state; not the individual. -- FM Duck

London, England --  Whoa, Holly Goodhead.  First, read the following "research" drivel about your favorite secret agent,  James Bond 007, and then we can look at what the Nottingham University researchers' real objective is in trying to disparage our favorite spy:

Say the "Dr. No" researchers at Nottingham University Hospitals:

Iconic spy character James Bond drinks so much and so often that in real life he'd be incapable of chasing down villains or wooing sexy vamps, a new study contends.

"The level of functioning as displayed in the books is inconsistent with the physical, mental and indeed sexual functioning expected from someone drinking this much alcohol," wrote a team led by Dr. Patrick Davies, of Nottingham University Hospitals, in England.

His team analyzed the famous spy's alcohol consumption and found that it was more than four times higher than the recommended intake for an adult male.

This puts Bond at high risk for several alcohol-related diseases -- including alcoholic liver disease, cirrhosis, impotence and alcohol-induced tremor. Because of his heavy drinking, the real 007 would have a life expectancy of 56, doctors say.

The alcohol-induced tremor may explain why Bond prefers his martinis "shaken, not stirred," the study authors joked. They added that the alcoholism-induced tremor in his hands means he's unlikely to be able to stir his drinks, even if he wants to.

Davies' group launched the study because they were struck by the fact that the amount of Bond's drinking in the original books seemed rather high. They wondered if he could actually carry out his missions and woo so many women at this level of drinking.

Based on a thorough reading of all of the books, the study authors concluded that Bond's average alcohol consumption was 92 units per week -- over four times the recommended amount. This figure excludes days when Bond was unable to drink.

A unit of alcohol is about 10 milliliters of pure alcohol -- about the same amount found in the average glass of scotch, bourbon or other hard liquor.

The spy's maximum daily alcohol intake was almost 50 units per day and he had only 12.5 alcohol-free days out of the 87.5 days he was able to drink, according to the findings in the Christmas edition of the journal BMJ.

Bond might even be a road hazard, since he frequently drank enough to put him over the legal limit before he climbed into his car.

Many studies have shown that people generally underestimate their alcohol consumption by about 30 percent, which means that Bond's alcohol consumption may be as high as 130 units per week, the study authors said.

It's clear that 007 needs help, the authors said. "We advise an immediate referral for further assessment and treatment [and] a reduction in alcohol consumption to safe levels," they concluded.

They also noted that excessive drinking is a global health problem that causes 2.5 million deaths a year. However, movies and other sources of entertainment often portray drinking in a positive, even glamorous, way.

Analysis by FM Duck:

How far has the welfare state of Britain gone when a team of researchers at Nottingham University Hospitals stooped to the level of claiming -- after supposedly "a thorough reading" of all the James Bond spy novels -- that fictional character James Bond consumed 90 drinks of alcohol a week (that's 13 drinks per day) and thus would be too drunk to perform all of his 007, secret agent, shoot 'em up, Pussy Galore activities for His Majesty's Secret Service?

What is the purpose of a research team at Nottingham University Hospitals in trying to "expose" that the bigger-than-life fictional character of the James Bond spy novels was an incompetent secret agent because, they claim, nobody could really knock off Goldfinger or seduce Pussy Galore if they drank that much alcohol?  Really?  I suppose their next research task is to prove that Superman can't really fly, or leap tall buildings in a single bound, or run faster than a locomotive.

James Bond is a fictional novel and movie.  Why are the state researchers so concerned about fiction? 

Apparently the Nottingham research team has forgotten what the function of a novel or movie really is: to provide a means for individuals to experience their moral philosophy through identification with a bigger-than-life hero who is knocking off the "bad" -- solving problems -- to bring about "good."  Or, do the researchers have another objective in mind, such as destroying people's experience of identifying with a bigger-than-life hero in order to drag them back down to their dreary little lives in state collectivist Britain and America?

In short, socialist states hate individualists such as James Bond because they are seen as threats to the collectivist ideology of the state.  It is not the supposed over-consumption of alcohol that the British socialist researchers dislike about James Bond; it is his individualistic attitude that is the basis for their concern because individualism is the basis for free market capitalism.  The last thing the socialist state wants is for its citizens to be hero-worshipping an individualist.  Hence, especially in a novel or movie that gets distributed to hundreds of millions of readers and movie-goers, the state propagandists want to prove that James Bond is just a drunken, impotent, bum.  The researchers real objective:  Worship the state; not the individual.

And that, mes amies, is the real purpose of "researchers" in a socialist state like Britain:  to try to disparage the hero worship of both real and fictional individualist characters.  There is no room for bigger-than-life individuals in The Borg.  Welcome to George Orwell's '1984' in socialist England.

Look out Spiderman, you're next! FM Duck

 

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