University Place and All The Governor's
Deep Throat II
Chapter 1 - The Cookie Monsters
200 people are locked in a room and all the cookies disappear, we can logically
deduce they ate the cookies, right? But can we prove it?
-- Deep Throat II
this: two hundred lawyers, government employees,
university presidents, university vice-presidents, county commissioners, state
agency members, School Board members, public land developers, the Governor of
the Great State of Idaho, the Governor’s Chief of Staff, and all 105 Idaho State
Legislators in year 2002 walk into a room with no windows and no way out except
one door. In the middle of the room is a buffet table with 136 million
chocolate chip cookies baked by the taxpayers for Idaho’s school children. All
two hundred adults are given explicit instructions, “Don’t eat the chocolate
chip cookies. They’re for Idaho’s children.” The door is then shut and locked;
nobody leaves for 24 hours.
The next morning, the
door is unlocked and everybody piles out. Mysteriously, all the chocolate
chip cookies have disappeared. When questioned, everybody who was in the
room for 24 hours throws their hands up in the air and says, “Hey, don’t
look at me. I have no idea what happened or where all the cookies went.”
Upon closer questioning
and inspection, many individuals coming out of the room have a ring of
chocolate around their lips, chocolate smudges on their fingertips, or
cookie crumbs all over their clothing. They look like the Cookie Monster on
Sesame Street. Some have more chocolate on their faces than others, some
point fingers at their neighbors, some have no chocolate ring around their
lips but nobody knows what happened to the 136 million chocolate chip
Statesman newspaper dutifully reports this giant Cookie Monster Mystery but
does not draw meaningful conclusions. The Statesman is caught between a
rock and a hard place. They want to name names and print the truth but they
don’t want the taxpayers to draw conclusions that the existence of
government schools with billion dollar budgets is the problem. After all,
the Statesman is gung-ho for Idaho to spend lots more than the current $1.3
billion for public education’s Leave No Child Behind folly. Report the news
but don’t blame the system.
Similarly, the Idaho
State Legislature in election year 2004 is also not eager to remind the
public that it was in the very room in which 136 million chocolate chip
cookies were gobbled up right under their noses. Don’t ask any questions.
Pretend it never happened. Let’s quickly move on to more important
legislation such as tattoos for minors.
Kempthorne skips town every other week and plays Where’s Waldo? His
Office spokesmen pretend Waldo knows nothing about any cookie
monsters and quickly point out that Waldo had to go to Washington
State, Washington DC, Hawaii, Indianapolis, California, Hoboken, Mexico, and
China because he is the Chairman of the National Governor’s Association, a
Chairman who is busy trying to outspend Idaho’s $1.3 billion public
education budget with Idaho’s rapidly growing $1.1 billion Medicaid budget –
and, as of the 2005 legislative session, a $3 billion Highway Proposal.
of the University of Idaho finally breaks down and cries, “OK, OK, maybe I
did eat a couple thousand chocolate chip cookies but it was for the
public good. I quit as President of the U of I and – within one week –
accept the position of President of Albertson’s College down the street,
But wait a minute. It’s
not OK. What about the theft of the millions of chocolate chip cookies from
Idaho’s school children? Where did the cookies go? How did it happen? Why
did it happen? Who are the Cookie Monsters? Why do we care?
Because we don’t want it
to ever happen again.
If 200 people are locked
in a room and all the cookies disappear, we can logically deduce they ate
the cookies, right? But can we prove it?
This is the monumental
task faced by the investigators of Boise’s University Place scandal. How
and why the cookie monsters did it is the subject of this book.
Brownie Recipe To Die For:
(or serve 5-10 yrs in the Fed Pen for self-dealing Public Education
1 box Ghirradeli Chocolate Brownie Mix
1 cup whole milk
½ Tablespoon vegie oil
Whip to a frenzy
Bake 25 min @ 350 F, pull when gooey
Serve w/large glass cold milk, 2 ice cubes
Plead nolo contendre
(...more...available now at online bookstore)
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